“Have you ever felt your heart drop and your stomach jump to your throat, you couldnt breath and the only way to stop it is to cry. Not cause youre hurt but because you love someone so much you cant stand a second without them?”—me
its been two weeks and two days since we broke up, it kills me every second as you all well know if you read my stuff. Well yesterday his grandma messages me of Facebook and asks me to come make dinner with her. So today I go over there we make dinner its fine and dandy until he arrives, I freeze up. Im scared stiff i couldnt stop shaking i couldnt look at him for more than a few seconds with out ripping apart my body. He avoids me as much as possible. He claims his family was giving him “shit” the whole time. And then hes gone.
My heart sank and im still sitting at the edge of my seat trying not to gag on my guts from watching him slip through my fingers. His grandmother said i was a great person and i deserve the best. something along those lines. I just wish he saw what she does.
and i had to blare a day to remember to stop myself from hearing it. I was in agonizing pain last night i couldnt think of anything else but the pain. Then a split second of a flashback occured and i began to cry. I couldnt stop that moment was my past and ill never have it back.
“The saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad. Ya know, when sad tries to bite its lip and no cry and smile and go, ‘No, im really happy for you.’? Thats when its really sad.”—John Mayer. (via notedeachbruiseandabrasion)
“It scares me. The lack of taste, nostalgia, and overall scarcity of logic and creative knowledge in our society. I can’t compete with idiocy. Art is being flushed down the toilet, but we’re too busy looking at the flashing lights and vulgar pictures to even wave goodbye. When i’m gone, remember what i’ve said. You’ll remember it when you see something devoid of substance, and you’ll wonder why.”—Kyle Sibert (via akam80thewulf)
Its another day without him, I old messages and it killed me. I thought about fighting with him in math class today, i started to cry all on my midterm. hope that doesnt effect my grade. I keep thinking of all the reasons he would just..leave like that. It doesnt make any sense. I know i should wait or move on but i cant do either. I can barely hug someone with out feeling totally guilty. I want nothing more than to be with him again. Im an idiot. I spent the day with my old friend, and i come home and instantly cry. I see his name i see his face i see his name i hear a song or a band that reminds me of him. Its torture i cant even be in my own room without being taunted by every moment we had together. I’m hopelessly madly in love with someone that barely gives me the time of day.
We thought our love was so strong, so great, we thought it would last a lifetime. But nothing last forever and i knew that. I proved everyone wrong by staying true to you. But you left, like i was nothing . even worse it was via text. girl that cheated and lied to you at least got a phone call. was i not good enough for a call? Did you think so little of me you had to do it over a text? Maybe i am just another girl, but i know you better than that, i know that you need time and space i just dont see why we had to be apart for that. I can handle you. i can be alone on some nights as long as in the end i know that i have you. But i dont. and i guess thats the reality i have to live with. Im sorry for everything and hope to god for find happiness. And whatever it is you need, i pray you find with your arms wrapped around me. Because I wont fall apart im strongly in love with you that i will do anything for us. no matter what.